you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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