i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
