apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
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