At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize