Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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