Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
