Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
