Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize