What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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