gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
