Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
