Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
