fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
