Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
