I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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