my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
