i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
