Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
