Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I think your dad took our porno
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
