we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
