I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
