I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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