Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
my shit smells like andre
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
