a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
she told me i tasted like america
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize