I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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