All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
