I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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