and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
