so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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