It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
