why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize