Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
