im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
