you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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