I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
