Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
