i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize