I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
