I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
