Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
where does the pee come out of this thing
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
