I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize