My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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