remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
