they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
