you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
