All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
