Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
