super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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