You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
