just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
