So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
