I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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