Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
