forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
