thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
