Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
