Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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