I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
