the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
