it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Edward fifth and chaser hands
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize