I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
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