I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
