Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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