I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
