I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Pooping to opera.
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