hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just high enough for therapy.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
