so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
