Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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