Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
