i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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