You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
