put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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