sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize