My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
