I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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