Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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