Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
