Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Randomize
