she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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