I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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