We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
