i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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