I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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