well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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