maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
