please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
