im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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