I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize