Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
