NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
i've created a new STD.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm bleeding and have questions
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
