Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
