farters have to be the big spoon...
They should really pass out barf bags in church
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize