Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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