He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
i think im in europe. pls send help
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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