today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
