He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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